The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the beers were cold, the boys were shirtless and the girls were TANtastic. Parklife in Perth looked like it was going to be smashing. Me and my crew got in early whilst the queues were short and the toilets still clean.
Our first dance off to Van She Tech was magnificant. Everyone was together, cameras were snapping and our spirits were higher than the crowd.
Then the sun set...and so it began...THE TEXT MESSAGES.
I sent 178 text messages yesterday and received 168 (which basically means that 10 rude buggers didn't reply). The bulk of these 178 were the mandatory 'Where are you?'s'' which couldn't be more vague now could it? What do you say? 'Um, in a tent, music playing, somwhere in the middle of the thousands?''
I thought I'd share with you a few of these messages that myself and my mate Jeff sent to one another just to give you an inkling of the absurdity of it all...
'Where are you?'- :)
'Next to sound tent on the left in front of Peaches. Come!'
'Ok wait there, I'm coming'
Ok so because of the 42 000 messages that were flying over Wellington Square that evening obviously services were somewhat delayed so by the time you actually received the message of your mates whereabouts they had moved on....so it's about now we hit Struggle Town...
'Where are you babe? I can't find you'
'In the earth tent on the left side waiting for Dizee Rascal'
'I'm with Craig Davey Soph and Gav in tent on left bout twenty metres from stage like midway and you are?' - Do you have a tape measure there Jeff?
'I'm on the left hand side, first pole as you walk in.' - By pole I meant tent pole, not a Polish person.
'We're almost there''
'Hurry'
'We're in wrong tent. Stay there. We're coming. We at fire tent you in earth' - Off to a bloomin great start here.
'Ok. FIRST pole on the left as you walk in, Dizzee has started!'
'Wait. You in earth tent hey? You watching Dizee Rascal?'
'Yes' - Thought that was clarified.
''Can't see ya. You're saying left do you mean right coz I'm on the left'- I may be a little wankered Jeffo but I do know my left from my right.
'LEFT!!!!!!!!!!'
'What side of stage you on when you look at it?'
'First pole as you walk in on the fucking left bruv'
'Hey look me and Soph and Gav can't find ya. Can you go to the very left of the tent just as you walk in and meet me there'
This conversation took nearly 45 minutes and costed me approximately $15 and about 150 nerves. So we eventually find one another! All is happy and we can get our groove on to Dizzee (who was off the HOOK by the way). THEN the little so and so says, 'Wait here, got to go wee!' and Sophie says, 'I'm coming now, just gonna go find Craig!'. Are you fucking joking?
My little Nokia 7320 has never worked so hard in it's entire life. I have also acquired ninja strength thumb muscles, and am now 'down' with text lingo and also have found a new appreciation for technology, or should I say hatred? Also bare in mind that most of these were sent completely off my tree, dancing like a geared up spider monkey and whilst also trying to make somewhat droopy, creepy eyes to the cutie next to me. A particular message that made me shake my head in understanding was from my friend Diggins during a particular gruelling 'Direction Session'(tm). It was just a simple, 'This is so hard'. The sheer pain and aggravation oozed from that message and onto my cellular screen and I felt a sense of union with him. When we finally found each other, everything around us dissappeared and we gave each other that knowing look of sympathy.
This was my first music festival in Australia and I had a bloody good time. I have certainly taken a few lessons from it for future events. Lesson one: Find someone who wants to see everything you do and stick together. I've discovered that not everyone is there for the music and you'll end up wondering around aimlessly (Not mentioning any names but it rhymes with Hordan). Lesson two: Instead of leaving hair in a sexy natural wave and by the end of the night looking like the sixth member from Jackson Five, straighten it and then you should maybe acquire the natural wave instead. Thats my theory and I'm sticking to it. Lesson three: Climbing the scaffholding to get a better view. Not a great idea. Lesson four: Do not phone parents whilst off your trolley and dancing like a Jack in the Box. One will be required to explain the following day. Lesson Five: Don't answer to the 'Where are u' messages. There is no point. Lesson Six: Wet Wipes. You were right there Scottie.
All I wanted to do was have a fabulous dance off with all my fabulous friends and have a fabulous time. The whole day felt like I was trying to achieve just that. Which I finally did. About 15 minutes before it ended. I did, however, provide a magnificant dance to all who was watching to that fabulous Grime Rapper from Souwf London INNIT! Highlights from the day would definately include Legs, Jemma's emotional diareah, Dave whigging out when he couldn't find Kat causing him to throw his beer can which incidently split some guys lip and Hannah's magnificant leopard print jacket which she managed to purchase AT ParkLife.
Definately going back next year.
