Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Single to Mingle

I'm 28 years old and give or take a few hit and misses, I have been single for 3 years. These are my views...

SEX - I'm not only starting this post with this topic because I am the Owl - (we use caps for the Owl now - fyi) - I am starting with sex because it is the number one pro of being attached. The whole 'sex-on-tap' thing is definitely something to take into consideration when considering a relationship. But then, if you were offered a box of Cadbury's dairy milk - would you want a selection of little chocolate trinkets filled with a multitude of mystery gooey centres, or a box filled with just the caramel barrels? Everyone likes a caramel barrel, so you know what you're getting and you will almost always be satisfied. But the box of randoms is fun! OK, SOMETIMES you will bite into a dark chocolate orange or coffee one, and it may leave a bitter taste in your mouth (remember - some people like those) but think of that blissful moment when your mouth is filled with a creamy delight? (innuendo not intended). Problem is, those fuckers have taken out all the caramel barrels and left the coffee ones. My point is, invest in a dildo.

IT CAN BE LONELY - When you are single for a lengthy period of time, you become pretty self sufficient. This is not a bad thing. However, it can throw out vibes that you never need anyone, so sometimes, you may feel a little lonely. You are not feeling lonely because you are alone. You are feeling lonely because you appear strong and independent, therefore people tend to not pander to you because you appear not to need them to. So, open.your.mouth and holla at your people and tell them you need a bit of company. Don't end up building this protective 'I love being single and I don't need anybody' shield around yourself - mainly because there is a ring of truth to the whole 'no man is an island' thing, but also, if you are open to the thought of a relationship, you may be giving out the wrong signal to a prospective mate, everyone likes to feel needed.

THE PRO'S (and cons) TO BEING SINGLE:

You get to have the entire bed to yourself, plus you can switch off the light whenever you want, but there is no one to have morning sex with.

You don't look like a lame ass because your profile on facebook is not one of you AND your man. Um, there is no con. This is lame beyond fucking belief. Never give up your individuality.

You don't end up having an argument at music festivals and end up making it awkward for everyone around you. You do however, have someone who has the responsibility to go to the toilet with you and buy you drinks.

You don't have a million family functions you have to attend. One set of parents in enough thanks.

You don't have the entire universe asking you the dreaded 'When are you getting married?' question. Dickheads even ask ME that fucking question. Um...I'm single you boneheads, when are you gonna get a life?

YOU GET TO WORK ON THE PERSON THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE - See, the thing is my owlettes. I'm not a bitter single, in fact, I think I may even want a boyfriend...eventually. I just think that it is important to be on your way to achieving all your personal goals and your self esteem vats to be pretty full before you put yourself in a partnership. This will help to avoid the boneheads who cash in on low self esteem and forcing you not to just settle for the first dildo/bank account/hot water bottle with a pulse. It's slim pickings out there my darlings. You are basically picking someone to be a witness to the movie that is your life. You don't want someone falling asleep or leaving halfway through.

This all being said, I wouldn't say no to a Johnny Depp lookalike with abs like Jesus.

Be sexy. Be happy x

THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...(4)

Fresh starts. I have decided to move house and I am giving away all my old furniture with the intent of buy new. I love the feeling of liberation when getting rid of material things with emotional connections. Hell yes.

Lebanese food. Good glorious delicious God. The meat that melts in your mouth, the hummus, the flat bread, the tabouli, the way you get to share it with your mates. The Lebanese coffee afterwards.

New make-up. God - isn't the new packaging just bloody brilliant? The feeling of a new pressed powder, and the gleam of a new lippy? PLUS, make-up NEVER makes you feel fat.

When someone delectable starts chatting to you on Facebook chat. Yeah that's right...they saw your name and decided to click on it. FYI: This does not mean that they are in love with you.

When you cum even though you were on the bottom - It's a freak occurrence and if it's a regular occurrence for some of you then you are just a freak.

Walking through the city and stumbling across some fresh ass graffiti? Street art makes me feel better about the world we live in, because it shows there are people out there tryna make it look better and that out-of-the-box thinking is still on the rise.

xxx

art by: Kid Zoom

So I'm not one of those uber tattooed peeps. Not because I don't enjoy them, but more because I don't think it would particularly suit me. I have one on my inner arm of an anchor and one on the small of my back which I got when I was 18 and I don't want to talk about it. Suzi Q has quite the rep here in WA, so when I decided to get my new one, I wasn't prepared to go anywhere else! I am majorly in love with the little owl I now sport on my leg (lovingly named Olive).

Mademoiselle Suzi is as sweet as she is talented, and she is as sweet as chocolate cherry pie. Let's talk more...

WHERE ARE YOU FROM ORIGINALLY?

Chepstow, a small town in S. Wales, UK.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TATTOOING FOR?

I started my apprenticeship in 2001 in the USA

WHAT DID YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS THINK WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO?

Most of them were pretty supportive, especially my husband, he was the one that really encouraged me to give it a go! Other close family were surprised but not shocked and I didn't really care what anyone else thought!

ARE THE ANY FAMOUS ARTISTS, TATTOOISTS OR NOT, THAT HAVE INFLUENCED YOU DOWN THE PATH OF YOUR CAREER?

Obviously the tattooist who offered me my apprenticeship, Lea Smith who owned Lucky Lady Studio in NC back in the day - without her I would have nothing of the life I have now. I'm influenced by loads of artists especially low brow art, old movie posters, retro images, etc. Getting tattooed by other artists when traveling is also a big influence, as is working and meeting tattooists at conventions.

DO YOU INK YOURSELF?

Not so much any more! I have tattooed a big sailor girl and anchor on my thigh, and done quick touch-ups on other tattoos, but I'm a much better client when someone else is tattooing me!!

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVE REFUSED TO DO?

I don't tattoo political or racist bullshit, or men's privates, ha ha! When I was working in Florida a guy and girl came in and he asked for 'Property of …..' on his girlfriend's arse - nice huh? I didn't do that!

ARE YOU ABLE TO NAME A FAVE PIECE OF WORK YOU HAVE DONE?

It changes all the time, at the moment I am tattooing a flamingo with flowers on a friend's arm, I want to marry that one! Also, I've just finished a full sleeve zombie/apocalypse scene after about 25 hrs work over 7 sessions, I'm pretty keen on that one too.

WHERE DO YOU SEE THE ART OF TATTOOING IN 10 YEARS FROM NOW?

The art of tattooing will still be the same, there will be new advances in technique, machines, ink, removal, etc but people will still have the love affair with tattooing. The industry however will either be completely over saturated or pared right back to the old days!

IF YOU WEREN'T DOING THIS, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING?

I'd find it hard now after tattooing to do anything else, probably something 'arty' - painter or something? Before tattooing found me I probably would have carried on working with kids with behavioral difficulties until the job did me in!

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE WORSE PERCEPTION OF THE INDUSTRY?

That the world owes you something when you start tattooing. I hate that there's no respect any more from some people in the industry, people want to make a quick buck out of it or develop a huge rock-star ego and not put in any of the hard work or years of training that goes with it. Tattooing is hard work, end of.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR JOB?

Everything! It's a love/hate thing you see! It gets under your skin. I love that I get to travel, meet new people, make new friends, get to be creative on a daily basis, all the things that make people think they want to be a tattooists……….but with a bucket load of hard work thrown in.

HOW MAY TATTOO'S DO YOU HAVE IN TOTAL?

Not enough…. 2 full sleeves & socks, random ones on chest, hands, back, neck….

WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE?

Usually I love the last one I had done, because it's new & shiny! I love my neck tattoo by Rose Hardy, and my Jaws theme leg, but I've just had a honey bee tattooed on my hand by my very good friend Lucy Pryor to remember my mum who died last year and that's my favourite now.

WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?

All sorts…. Tiger Army….

WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF ICE CREAM?

Oooohh, something with nuts in it! Or coffee….

WHAT WOULD YOU DESCRIBE AS 'BEIGE'?

Beige

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE OWL? :)

It's a mighty wise bird!

Her work is exquisite and she is absolutely gorgeous!

Book quickly because you can wait up to 12 months for her to work her magic x

Suzi works at HOLDFAST TATTOO contact: (08) 9361 6114

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-neuf

DRESS UP IN HIS FAVOURITE SPORTING TEAMS KIT - With nothing underneath and a will to please. There's a good girl.

QUIT SMOKING OR BETTER YET, DON'T EVEN START - I know it's easier said than done. But it's really not very good for you honey. Even though I will admit, it does look kinda chic.

GIVE HIM HEAD LIKE YOU HAVEN'T EATEN IN A WEEK - It works.

THE ONLY THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT TAKES AWAY A KILLER HEADACHE IS NUROFEN LIQUID CAPSULES - Then sleep.

IF YOU HAVE ACRYLIC NAILS, MAKE SURE YOU APPLY CUTICLE OIL - Don't forget about your OG's. Throw 'em a bone from time to time.

DON'T BE PRODDING THOSE BIRDS WHO HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH SOME JUNK IN THE CHEST AREA, IT'S NOT CHILL - We don't go around flicking your fried eggs. Ya get me?

PERCEPTION IS ONE'S OWN REALITY - Bare that in mind at all times, and go easy on your fellow humans.

Who is gonna peep 'Alice in Wonderland' this week? xx

artwork by: Lola

OWL PARTY: A MASSIVE BIG UPS!

So I'd like to think the party was banging yes? Other than the filth closing it down at 1am! How very dare they...don't they know who I am? But seriously, there were no dramas, no fights, no broken bottles, no tears...everyone acted like grown ups and got dirty on the dance floor...just the way an owl likes it.

So over $2500 was raised and I have decided to give the cash to Project Medishare. A charity that is trying to achieve quality healthcare for all Haiti earthquake victims. You can peep their website here

I'd like to give a MASSIVE GIANT HUGE thank you to....Chris Hemingway - My party organiser. My idol. My buddy. The man cut down trees, built an Owl archway, turfed an entire backyard, built a 'chill' tent, made a living room in the garden with pictures hanging off the hedges and made an owl tree. All in 41 degree heat. I love you mate, you are just plain fucking awesome.

And all you sexual beings that are the owlettes! I loved meeting you all and this has inspired for a whole new project! I still haven't slept from last night and I may just drop off my perch any second so I'll be off. Stay tuned for the photos my darlings.

Peace out x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-huit

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NATURALLY GOOD LOOKING TO BE HOT - It's true! SO many times I've met dudes that haven't grabbed my attention when I first looked at them, but then after a little chinwag and a few glasses of vino, I just imagine them on top of me. I think I may have just given the green light on being a drunken slut....I can't be sure...I hope you get my point.

HAVE A LITTLE MYSTERY - Yes. I know that's a bit rich coming from moi. But I am for serious here, keep that element of cool - otherwise, there is no point in trying to get to know you if it is just all spread out on the proverbial table.

PLEASE CLEAN THE MAKE-UP SLUDGE OFF YOUR MOBILE PHONE - It's pretty fucking gross.

IF HE HAS FACIAL TATTOO'S YOU MAY HAVE SEX WITH HIM - But under no circumstances are you to get involved in any sort of committed relationship with him.

CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER IS WAY BETTER THAN SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER - Please don't send me any comments about this. I am right.

Looking forward to seeing some of you at the Owl for Haiti party tomorrow night x

OWL INTRODUCES: WORK EXPERIENCE DJ'S

So last but not least I'd like to present Perrin and Alex. They will be playing the last set of the evening, so I guess you could call them 'headliners'. Lil 'ol Perth is a smörgåsbord of talent and these boys deliver a massive serving of it. As Hemingway has said, all you really need for a good party is a banging dance floor...well, I think with the help of Work Experience DJ's, there will be more banging going on than Tiger Woods backseat.

So let's talk more with Perrin and Alex...

WHY 'WORK EXPERIENCE'? IT'S AN INTERESTING NAME....

A few years back we were at Splendor in the Grass and the Bang Gang Deejays were playing in between sets. They were doing really well expect every time a very inebriated Hoodrat went anywhere near the decks the mix would turn into this total train wreck, the crowd would stop and look up at the DJ podium. He would laugh and throw his hands up in the air in retreat. He would do this every 5 minutes or so. We coined that term then. It became a running joke of ours whenever you're out and you hear a real clanger of a mix we'd yell out "Work Experience DJ!". When we decided to start DJing it seemed like the logical name to choose.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM AND HOW DID YOU MEET?

We're both from Western Australia. We've known each other since we were kids but got to know each other a little too well when we lived together for a summer in a one bedroom apartment in NYC.

WHAT TUNES ARE MAKING YOU TAP YOUR FEET AT THE MOMENT?

Anything by Vitalic or Zombie Nation, though one of our favourite songs at the moment is Lil Jon - Give it all you got (Danger Beach Remix).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF MILKSHAKE?

The kind with out milk.

IF YOU HAD YOUR OWN CLUB, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?

Disappear Here.

DREAM FESTIVAL HEADLINERS?

1970's Rolling Stones or a zombie Kurt Cobain led Nirvana.

WHAT MAKES YOUR LIVER QUIVER?

Joe Pesci.

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM YOUR SET ON THE 27TH?

http://www.mediafire.com/?hojiizi1zzo

WHERE ELSE CAN WE CATCH YOU GUYS?

One of our lounge rooms most Saturday nights, unless we're playing someones party.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS OWL THEN?

Tight.

ehrm...yes well...come disappear at the Owl for Haiti party on Saturday and get your groove on to the lads from Work Experience - they are no rookie mistake mind you x

Work Experience DJ's can be contacted here

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN...(6)

...you take your car through the car wash and you forget to close the back window?

...the guy you've just had rumpy with, leaves his used condom on the floor? Manners costs nothing people.

...all you want to do is sit down at the hairdresser, read the 3 year old Vogue and sip a latte, but all your stylist wants to do is tell you about her boyfriend or what her new bad tattoo means? You just snip some barnet sweetheart, OK?

...you drive perfectly well on your own, but when there are 3 loud mouths in the vehicle you suddenly make a squillion mistakes?

...musicians that are LEGENDS start plugging their albums on talk shows and tell you how you can even download it into a ring tone? John Lennon would be rolling in his grave Ringo Star! You muppet.

...your bra straps keep falling down? It's up there with flies as the most consistently annoying thing ever.

...you live outside of Western Australia and you can't come to my amazillion party this weekend?

kisses xx

OWL INTRODUCES - ROMAIN - PHOTOGRAPHER

Now we can't exactly have this party and not document it now can we? I know a fair few photographer types - but Romain jumped to mind immediately because the Owl for Haiti party is not about just any boring Facebook photos...no sirree! It's about fashion, creative types getting together and the chic readers of the owl - so obviously, this would require a fashion photographer.

Romain Duquesne was born in Belgium and comes from a delicious mix of French and Italian. At the ripe age of 22 the man has already had his work featured in STM magazine and has many more projects in the pipeline. The boy is so sweet and humble, I kinda wish he would just blurt out, 'Hey, my photos are fucking awesome!' Because they are. It also helped that homeboy rocked up at my house in a fly pair of dunks and shares a passion for Kate Moss. Oh yes indeedy.

SO ROMAIN, WHY FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY?

I prefer to create a scene, rather than capture it - I have a vision in my head of what I want it to look like, and it gives me a thrill to see that develop.

WHO ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FASHION PHOTOGRAPHERS?

Steven Meisel and Mert & Marcus. Whenever I look at their work it makes me never want to stop and think I'm good enough.

IF YOU WERE A BIRD, WHAT KIND WOULD YOU BE?

An Albatross

WHERE IN THE WORLD WOULD LOVE TO RESIDE AND WHY?

Paris, based on perceptions I have from watching Amelie

IF YOU WEREN'T TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING?

Ah I'd find another creative outlet to fill my life.

WHAT MAKES YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?

Ha only the alarm. I'm definitely not a morning person.

WHO ARE YOUR FAVOURITE DESIGNERS?

John Galliano, Alexander Mcqueen, Christian Lacroix

FAVOURITE THING TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

Scrambled eggs with sliced chili, bacon, corn relish/sour cream, spinach and 2 large slices of bread. As you can see I love my food.

WHO WOULD BE YOUR DREAM MODEL TO SHOOT?

Sasha Pivovarova and Gemma Ward

HOW ABOUT THAT OBNOXIOUS OWL EH?

She speaks her mind. It's admirable.

BE SURE TO SAY CHEESE AND STRIKE A POSE FOR THE MAN ON SATURDAY - BECAUSE ONE DAY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SAY YOU HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN BY ROMAIN DUQUESNE. LUCKY LITTLE OWLETTES X

Contact Romain and peep his work here

OWL INTRODUCES: BRUT de BRUT

So first cab off the rank as far as the music goes on Saturday are these trippers 'Brut de Brut'. This has to be one of the funnier interviews I've ever encountered but their set is no laughing matter. So without any further delay ... here are the Brut's - with more thigh than a KFC bucket.

OK BOYS...TELL ME ABOUT THE NAME?

Rufus: ummm, it was the day after a party, we think, and we were entertaining some of our lady friends in Mr. Pant's parents pool. And we cracked a bottle of champagne.
Mr. Pants: ...of the Brut variety, which we like the ring of.
Rufus: Considering the Brut's that we are.
Mr. Pants: ...or try to be.

HOW DID IT COME ABOUT THAT YOU BOYS CAME TOGETHER? NOT 'CAME' TOGETHER BUT 'GOT' TOGETHER...MIND YOU.

Rufus: Over the love of good music, and cheeky dance moves.
Mr. Pants: Have you ever seen the double luge?

WHAT KINDA BEATS ARE GONNA BE BROUGHT TO THE OWL TABLE?

Rufus: Wiki beats.
Mr. Pants: and Chris De Burgh, lots of Chris De Burgh.

WHO ARE YOU LOVING THESE DAYS?

Rufus: Classixx, out of L.A., very good afternoon kind of chillers.
Mr. Pants: Stanley, the box of wine.

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION OF THE PERTH MUSIC SCENE?

Rufus: Its scene!
Mr. Pants: and not heard.

FAVOURITE FRUIT?

Rufus: George Michael.
Mr. Pants: ZING, but in all seriousness, banana's are the tits.

FAVOURITE COLOUR?

Rufus: Raspberry.
Mr. Pants: Like the Beret.

FAVOURITE THING TO DO IN THE BATH?

Rufus: Get dirty.
Mr. Pants: Get clean.

TELL ME A SECRET?

Rufus: Sometimes late at night, when the toilet is too far away, I wee in the kitchen sink.
Mr. Pants: but you push the dishes aside don't you?

BRUT DE BRUT'S 5 YEAR PLAN?

Rufus: to grow a beard that rivals ZZ Top.
Mr. Pants: to grow a beard full stop.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT OBNOXIOUS OWL LADY?

Rufus: she is one crazy bird.
Mr. Brut: she has massive hooters.


IF THESE GENTLEMAN HAVEN'T LURED YOU TO THE PARTY, THEN SURELY MY HOOTERS WILL ....cheeky bastards x